Rusty

This is an entry for the  Friday Fictioneer‘s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Open to all , ready to rack the right side of the brains!.

The objective is to write a 100 word story based on a photo prompt

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I am happy this week for a couple of reasons. a.) I was able to take time out and write a story ! b.) I was able to come up with something on my own rather than rely on movies for some inspiration !

Also I am not so happy cause a.) The way I see it I am packed with work going ahead and am not sure how many other stories I will be able to read 😦 b.) My story is a 110 words. I brought it down from 130 to 110 and then left it as such.

I will try to make it to as many stories as possible. Also hope to hear from you guy as to how you found my story.

My story follows the photo prompt below

Rusty

Rusty the clown was the talk of his town. Jam packed audiences resounded with laughter at his shows. Newspapers ran reviews praising his vividly entertaining performances.

With the advent of television the crowds dwindled and Rusty was sidelined.

A lot of advertising couldn’t generate a big turnout for his last show. When he jumped from the high wire onto the piano everybody laughed. They realized only when a few minutes had passed by and a pool of blood appeared.

Newspapers carried the photo of Rusty’s legs protruding out of the piano. “A suicide or an act gone wrong ?”. He had again become the talk of the town.

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32 thoughts on “Rusty

  1. I think the title was expositional – gave it all away before you started. I’d have opted for something along the lines of ‘always leave ’em wondering’ or ‘grand finale’ or even your repetition ‘talk of the town’ – which was very effective. Nice story though, and well done. 🙂

  2. Rust in peace, Rusty! Nice response to the prompt Shreyank.

    A couple of suggestions?

    In the first para you can save two words by writing ‘Jam-packed’ and replacing ‘clown shows’ with ‘shows’. You could also replace ‘A lot of advertising’ with ‘Even advertising’ in the thrid para. It changes the sense slightly, but saves two more words.

    I would replace ‘They realized’ in para three ‘They stopped’ (‘They realized’ really calls for an extra word or two: They realized … what? ‘They stopped’ can only mean they stopped laughing – no other words are called for.)

    In the last para Rusty’s legS are protruding. Also the punctuation in the last line should be:
    ‘ “…gone wrong ?” He had again …’

    Excuse this. The former English teacher in me.

    Cheers!

    1. Thanks for stopping by and taking the effort to point out the errors 🙂 I changed some things as per your suggestions. The advertising line, I thought about it a for a while and left it as such cause I wanted that context. But they stopped.. would also fit in fine and save words.

    2. Fine, my response is now redundant. 😦 But you can also save a word by saying “He’d again become…”. As for reading everyone else’s, sometimes you can’t and sometimes it just takes time. Some days I’m afraid to refresh in case a bunch more stories pop up. 🙂 Ahhh, the intrusive nature of work and real life.

      Best of luck with all you have to do.

      janet

      1. Thanks for stopping by Janet. I was able to read some of the stories yde. I m traveling over d weekend so won’t be able to read any more until Monday 🙂 wish u a happy weekend

  3. Oh the wicked two edged sword of fame! In this 24 hour news cycle society it takes quite a lot to capture the news attention for any appreciable period.

  4. Dear Shreyank,

    Loved this piece. Says much about the casualties of “progress.” I liked the way you tied the first and last line together with Randy being the talk of the town. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    1. Someday I am gone read the entire thing Jules.

      Maybe you and Al should try and get together and probably attempt a novella/novella with maybe alternate pages telling the story from Raynard and Saskia’s side. Would make for an interesting theme and style I feel 🙂 Btw if u guys do write a novel make sure to send me a free copy 😉 I wold certainly enjoy reading it 🙂

      1. Everyone thinks poor Raynard will ‘end’ soon, but I think there is so much more to tell.
        You can always go to the link and read it for free anytime, we do try to keep it up to date.
        🙂
        Maybe once it is finally finished, publishing it might be an option.
        Cheers!

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