Fence

This is an entry for the  Friday Fictioneer‘s hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Open to all , ready to rack the right side of the brains!.

The objective is to write a 100 (word limit is not rigid) word story based on a photo prompt.

My story follows the photo prompt below

Copyright – Sarah Ann Hall

 Fence

 Their family migrated during the war-torn, drought times. They stood side by side, picked up plows and tilled the land hoping against hope. The winds changed, war got over, the barren land turned green and filled greed in their hearts. The brothers now stood against each other, picked up arms and erected fences to demarcate boundaries.

Seasons flew by, they prayed for rains only on their side of the fence. Their hearts filled with envy to see the lush green on the other side of the fence. Winter fetched them away. They now lay together, side by side, beneath the earth.

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As I wrote this, I remembered Rabindranath Tagore’s poem which I am sharing below

Where the mind is without fear and the head held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by Thee into ever-widening thought and action;
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

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34 thoughts on “Fence

  1. It’s always sad when family member turns against family member. I like the way you brought them full circle from togetherness, to separateness, then finally, back together.

    Do you mind me mentioning a few small things? “War-torn” is one, hyphenated word and I think you want “hoping against hope.” And I believe you would need “sides” right here–“only on their side of the fence”, since there are two of them and that means two sides. 🙂

    janet

    1. Janet you are always welcome to point out the errors ! 🙂 honestly war torn i thought was one.. but was in doubt and googled and saw an sentence without the hyphen same with hoping against hope.. against my better judgement i relied on the web ! can i blame this one on google ? 😉 thanks for confirming.. i will change..

      side- sides my mistake. i thought since each was praying for their own side .. it wud be side.. !

  2. Dear Shreyank,
    Beautifully illustration of how greed and envy can tear even brothers apart. One suggestion,..”war got over” seems a bit clumsy…what about “war ended”?
    shalom,
    Rochelle

  3. A poignant tale Shreyank. Sadly true to many families.
    I somehow established a link with the 1947 partition. And that is a beautiful poem by Ravindranath Tagore. I just love it, maybe we live to see that day. 🙂

    1. Wow never thought about 1947 when I wrote this. But i can see the resemblance with the war, brothers standing together and then turning against each other ! your comment motivates me to expand this story which might stand as a metaphor representing partition. Thanks for the idea ! 🙂

      and yes I too wish to see these words of Tagore come alive in the real world sooner rather than later..

  4. Very good idea Shreyank. Epic in a small space. And mostly well executed. I don’t think I want to add anything to what other commentators have already pointed out about the language.

    Like Parul I saw a reference to Partition, but it could of course – sadly – be a story from many another conflict.

    The Tagore poem was an extra bonus.

  5. So sad they spent their time fighting this personal war that neither could ever win in the end. Also I love the poem by Tagore. You reminded me i have to read more of his poetry.

Go on ! Say what you feel :)

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